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User blog:Smith 6/The Short Long Earth (Part Five)
Finally! The Chapter Four finale! The Short Long Earth Formerly known as 'The Long Earth Parody' Chapter Four (Part Three) Quicker, easier and more entertaining to read. PREVIOUSLY... Despite Willis Linsay's 'parting shot' being an Alice in Wonderland reference, the man did seem quite dangerous. The note, stuck to the box, read 'TRY ME'. And not one of the people who had originally investigated the house had done so. ''' '''This seemed impossible to Jansson. Surely one of them must've tried it, she thought. So what had happened to them? The beautifully clean air started smelling bad now. Why was that? ''' '''Oh, that would be the poo I'm standing in, she thought. Whoops. But who had done that poo? Jansson looked around, but could not see any suspects. ''She ''hadn't done the poo. She would remember doing it. So who had? On an entirely empty and deserted world, Jansson found herself thinking: Who did the poo? Chapter Four (Part Three) And suddenly, for Jansson, it all clicked. This contraption, made by Willis Linsay, was clearly a device that transports the user to another world and forces them to poo. It wasn't that none of the detectives and forensics team members hadn't tried the box. One of them must have, because their poo was lying on the ground in front of her. Was she going to poo now? This thought scared her. It's amazing, she thought, how much we take control of our poo for granted. But then, she looked at the poo. She looked hard and long at the poo, and noticed something very odd. It was cow poo. A cow had made that poo. How did she know this? Jansson was a world-renowned poo-identifier - a poo expert! And this, she declared, was cow poo. This completely destroyed her previous theory. Obviously, a cow couldn't flick the switch on that box. So that couldn't be how it worked. The box clearly took it's user to another world, or what appeared to be another world. Or maybe, she'd gone back in time. That would explain the lack of tall buildings, hamburgers and selfie sticks. But Jansson, the Poo Expert, knew that the poo in front of her had been made by a 21st century cow. It was obvious from the texture. Then, Jansson remembered the reports about Willis escorting farm animals into his house. Maybe, she theorised, the little box simply takes anyone who flicks the switch to an empty world. And, by using it, Linsay had taken a cow with him. Jansson, who was now trying to get high by breathing air, realised that soon, millions of kids across the world were about to flick switches and step in poo. So, she decided going back might be a good idea. A few hours later, after interviewing dozens of distressed kids, Jansson went looking for a kid called Joshua, who, apparently, was not distressed, and therefore very unusual. But when Jansson found Joshua, and discovered he had dark skin, she did what every other white police offer in the United States would’ve done. She shot the kid. Joshua's dead! Noooooooo! Category:Blog posts